There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
