Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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