i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
