I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
if i can run in heels then i can drive
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Randomize
