so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
