glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Randomize