you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
