Dude my mom stole all your condoms
I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
