Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
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