yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Randomize
