Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
Randomize
