i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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