Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
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