Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
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