Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Randomize
