Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
