final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
