youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
