I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
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