one might say we're banned from that church
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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