Im at strip club and am horny
wat bout pragnant strippers??
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
