If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
