I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Randomize
