i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
I need moral support for this bender
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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