I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Randomize
