also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Randomize
