I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
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