Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
I did not marry a roomba.
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