Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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