well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
Randomize
