Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
