me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
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