i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
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