but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Randomize
