so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Randomize
