You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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