I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
