Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
