can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
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