she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
Randomize
