i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Randomize
