these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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