I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
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