mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
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