apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Randomize
