I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
No...this little piggys going to the bar
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
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