I puked a lego.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
