You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Randomize
