I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
