This dress was meant to end up on your floor
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
