P.S. I can't hear my feet
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
pray to the hookup gods
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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