no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Randomize
