Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
