you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
Randomize