I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
