if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
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I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
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