did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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