the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.