He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
29 Super Simple DIY Drinking Games
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
29 People Who Do Dirty Things Just To Get Their Way
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.