I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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