Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
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You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
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I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities