You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
23 Theme Park Employees Confess The Biggest Adult Tantrums They’ve Witnessed
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
What happened to fro yo and sex?
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism