I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?