so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
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