Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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