just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
