I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Randomize