halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
