he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Randomize
