guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Randomize
