I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Randomize
