Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
This is the high leading the old right now
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Randomize
