she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
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