dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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