the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Randomize
