Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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