It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
