Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
