Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
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