:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Randomize
