we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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