oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
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