she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
