I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
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