I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Randomize
