I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Randomize
