I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Randomize
