Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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