I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
Randomize
