apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
