this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
