Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Randomize
