Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
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