Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Randomize
