I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
God gave him joint rollers for hands
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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