Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
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