Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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